12 Tips for when your baby is admitted to the NICU.
Watching my brand new baby boy being swept away to the NICU, with his daddy following close behind was how my journey into motherhood began. Being left alone in my hospital room after giving birth with an empty womb is a feeling I can only describe as empty. The NICU is never a place you prepare for, and it’s definitely not the “Welcome to Motherhood” you imagined during pregnancy. Having been there myself, and now working as a Neonatal Occupational Therapist in the same NICU my son was in, i’m able to share my story and these 12 tips with other NICU parents.
1. When in postpartum, tell your family to call before visiting, and don’t be afraid to speak up when you need them to go!
While my boy was in the NICU all I could think about was being by his side. When my family showed up to the hospital a couple of hours after my baby was born, I felt torn between staying with my baby, and going back to my room to visit with family. This led to frustration when it happened time and time again. It also left me feeling like a B**** when someone visited and I had to rush past them back to the NICU so I could go feed my baby. When I finally did go back to my room, and someone visited, I didn’t get the rest I desperately needed. Unless family members have had a baby in the NICU themselves, they won’t understand. If you communicate your preferences about visitors from the beginning, it’ll save a lot of hurt feelings on both ends.
2. Assign someone to be the updater.
I didn’t do this myself, but I wish I had. With an unplanned NICU stay, exhaustion, and uncertainty, having someone to update family and send pictures for you will keep you from feeling obligated to respond to texts and calls. Your designated updater can help you avoid conflict by informing everyone on the best time to visit, what your needs are, and how your baby is doing. Designating this duty to someone else will allow you to be able to still keep people updated but means you only have to tell one person when you want to, that way you can relax and focus on spending time with your baby.
3. Use the bathroom before each visit. Even when you don’t have to.
There wasn’t a bathroom in the NICU we were in, and the nearest bathroom was down a very long hall. As someone who just pushed out a baby, this was NOT ideal. Going to the bathroom before made sure that I wouldn’t have to interrupt time spent holding my baby skin to skin. This also ensured that I wouldn’t have to put my baby back in his isolette, which often meant I wouldn’t be able to take him back out.
4. Pack a “NICU” bag.
With long visits you’ll most likely need a few things to help you during a long NICU day. Some of the basics to bring include :
Water bottle– Dependent on the hospital you are in, there may not be a water station for parents. Having a water bottle will help you to stay hydrated, which is an important step for healing and breastfeeding.
Travel size lotion– You’re going to scrub in daily, and use A LOT of hand sanitizer.
Journal– This time is such a blur, and I have very few memories. I wish I had kept a journal to write down those moments in time not only as a way to document important conversations but also to record precious milestones.
Snacks– Snacks should be easy to eat and mess free. Visits are long. This can help get you through until meal times. Ask your nurse what hospital policy is, because you may not be able to eat them in the unit or at the bedside.
5. Do Skin-to-Skin
Did you know Skin-to-Skin has amazing benefits for mom, baby, and dad too!!!! It’s not just about cuddling. There is no such thing as too much skin to skin because the benefits are endless. As long as your baby is stable, able to tolerate being on your chest, or there aren’t any contraindications per hospital policy; you should be able to participate when you want, as often as you want, for as long as you want. You should aim to do it at least 1x a day for a minimum of one hour to allow for full sleep cycle, but with skin to skin, the more- the better. Benefits include temperature regulation, immunity, brain growth, state regulation, milk production and so much more!! There is so much that skin-to-skin has to offer, I decided to dedicate a whole post to it. You can read all about skin to skin here!!!! Its also important to wear a loose fitting shirt, a v-neck, or a button, just incase you will do skin to skin. Appropriate clothing up will make the transfer to your chest easier on your baby.
6. Learn what your baby’s “touch time” schedule is, and aim to get there a little before.
This depends on your NICU for how they determine what time your baby will be touched, but usually, this was every 3 or 6 hours where nurses would complete their assessment, change his diaper, and feed him. If we were late, we would sometimes miss the chance to do his touch time or even hold him! To avoid this, we called ahead to see about any schedule changes to his touch time schedule or to let them know if we were running late. The only time we ever missed a touch time was if they had to do it early because our nurse was admitting another baby, or of he woke up early and was starving. Most of the time they were able to wait for us.
7. Ask if the hospital has a Ronald McDonald room or a NICU lounge for parents.
At our hospital there was no lounge, but there was a Ronald McDonald room that had a TV, couches, and snacks available to families. Although we personally didn’t use it, my sister did when her daughter was in the NICU. She recommended it as place to go while waiting for procedures to finish, when you can’t be in the NICU like during shift change, or when you just need some time to breathe.
8. Bring a blanket to the NICU for your baby.
When you walk into the NICU, you’ll be surprised to see how many babies there might be. Having a blanket to cover their isolette or bed space can help your baby stand out to you. The best part of walking into the NICU was knowing exactly where MY baby was because of his firefighter blanket. The blanket will also help to block some of the light so that your baby can get some restful sleep.
9. Take lots of pictures
Your baby will definitely look different when you leave the NICU, and you’ll want to remember how small they looked. Using an items such as a stuffed animal or wedding band, can help to document how much they’ve grown during their stay. My son weighed 4 1/2 pounds when he was born. Smaller than a block of munster cheese! He was tiny with little old man wrinkles on his forehead and skinny legs. From head to rump, he was a little bigger than my husband hand. Its hard to imagine my now 5 year old was that small. I’m glad we made it a point to take pictures every day. A great way to capture amazing pictures of your baby is to leave an insta pix camera at the bedside with film for the nurses to take pictures of your baby. I didn’t do this, but this is a practice the NICU I work in has adopted and it’s really just so fun to see all the pictures at each babies bedside.
10. Don’t forget to Breathe.
Working in the NICU, I find myself telling almost every parent to “take a deep breath”. I say this becauseI understand the worry, and I remember the constant feeling of anxiety. I remember being nervous and tense with my shoulders up near my ears, especially the first time I held him on my chest. When my son cried, I often I found my blood warming and tension rising, which made me want to move faster. This only made things worse because MY BOY would react to MY emotions! Usually, this ended up with both of us crying and my husband wide eyed not knowing what to do! I had to constantly tell myself to BREATHE, let my shoulders fall, to move slow, and RELAX. When I took a deep breath and relaxed, my son did too.
11. Take it day by day.
When you’re baby goes to the NICU there isn’t a number anyone can give you about how long they will stay there. This can be frustrating because as a new parent you want to take your baby home. The truth is, discharge depends on your baby, and it can change from day to day. For us, it went from 3 days, because he needed antibiotics, to 7 days days because he became jaundice, to 9 days because he wasn’t finishing his bottle, to 11 days because he wasn’t gaining weight. Not knowing when you will get to go home is hard, but know that your baby is where they need to be. Take it day by day. You wont be there forever, and you will go home when your baby is healthy and ready.
12. Above all else, ask your nurse!
Your baby’s plan will change a lot over the course of their stay. Sometimes daily. Your baby’s nurse will be able to help you to understand what something means, or what might come next. They know when your baby is having a good day or needs a little more help. They can help you to schedule times to speak with doctors or help you to advocate for your baby’s needs. Your nurse loves your baby, and I can guarantee they think about them when they go home. They have learned your baby’s unique preemie language and they can help you to learn it too.